Well, school is on a roll, and life has some semblance of normalcy. Ian's shoulder is well on the mend. The sling is off and he is back to full speed, when he runs in to the wall, or the door though, we pull out the Tylenol. Mostly he is in good shape though.
Doni is loving school. Nough said.
Kati is loving school. She has a new teacher, one that is even new to the building. Oh Cool.
Me, yeah, school is good. I have been taking a bit more of a leadership role, and have raided mom's closet for appropriate clothing. She would not be one to waste good fashion I think we can all agree. It was a bit hard to take some of her favorites, many are still left hanging, but papa shakes his head and pats me on the back. He understands the pain of moving on, even when its the right thing to do. He also understands I am in no hurry. These last few days have been very hard. Toward the end of the summer I was actually getting to sleep without crying, but lately its been harder. Partly I think it is because it is the anniversary of so many last moments, partly because she belongs in the classroom, and partly because she is my mommy. I don't actually know how to get through all the sadness, but I also don't think I have much of an option. My family needs me, and I can honor her most by moving on.
Well, this blog has been mostly about me. I have been reading a book about Zen, and it is challenging me to look for the meaning in my emotions and actions. One of the items I have no faced was the openness of admitting my sadness. I have said I am doing okay, and I am fine so many times I almost believe it, until I quiet down and think. The truth is, I am still sad, sometimes. And sometimes I am strong, and sometimes I am happy, and often I am funny...at least I think so. Just in case you were wondering what it feels like to lose your mom about the time she retires and I can fully appreciate the free babysitting...
1 comment:
I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better. Every once in a while, I still get pretty sad. Usually, it's on the way to work where no one can see me. It's the good kind of sadness, though. After it all, I do smile and remember how wonderful my mom was I don't think the sadness will ever go away, and I don't want it to.
Well, the little guy starts school tomorrow. He is pretty excited. He's got his Cars backpack all ready to go with his brand new school supplies. It is a little bittersweet experience for me. My little boy is starting to grow up. I know I still have a few years of being best buds, but I think they will end too quickly.
Jaime
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